I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
