ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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