I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
