Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
