I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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