he wants to bone in the snuggie
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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