My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
