That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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