thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
