Yo dont text me then not text me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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