Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there's paper in my vomit.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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