a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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