there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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