quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
