The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
