he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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