It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We are two peas in an std pod
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
