Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
