i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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