You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
