You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
