I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
