Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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