I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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