Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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