Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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