Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
