ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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