I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
