Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
