when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
