I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
