dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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