if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
