Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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