Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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