Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
