Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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