i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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