There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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