I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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