If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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