Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
