just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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