i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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