Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
