Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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