so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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