All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
