Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
