DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
