i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
