I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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