If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
