Someone shit on the floor
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
