Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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