I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
